The Invisible Work of Motherhood: Why You’re Always Tired (Even When Nothing’s ‘Wrong’)

You’ve had a “low-key” day - no big drama, no late-night wakeups, no endless errands.
And yet: you’re exhausted.

Not just “I need a nap” tired. But “I can’t make one more decision or answer one more question” tired. You’re not broken. You’re carrying something no one else sees: invisible work.

The Work No One Sees (But You Feel Every Second)

Invisible work is the mental, emotional, and logistical labor it takes to keep life moving - for everyone.
It’s:

• Remembering your kid’s dentist appointment and knowing where the insurance card is

• Refilling snacks before someone notices

• Reading everyone’s moods and managing the vibe of the house

• Being the first one to notice what’s missing (clean socks, dinner plan, joy)

It’s not “hard” in the traditional sense. It’s constant. And that’s what drains you.

Invisible work is real work. You’re just not allowed to log out of it.

How Emotional Labor Shows Up for Moms

Moms, especially, are conditioned to notice and fix everything.
You’re the thermostat for the household’s emotional weather.
You’re expected to:

• Keep the peace

• Make the plans

• Think ahead

• Stay calm

• Be “fun” while doing all of it

Even when your partner helps, you’re often still the manager of the help.
Which means you never actually get to relax. You’re always on call.

You’re not broken. You’re carrying something no one else sees: invisible work.”

The Problem with Pretending This is Normal

The culture of “you signed up for this” is toxic.
It tricks moms into believing that:

• Burnout is just part of being a “good parent”

• Asking for help is weakness

• If you just planned better, things would be fine

So we over-function. We minimize our needs. And then wonder why we’re numb, resentful, or crying in the pantry.

You are not the problem. The system that hides this labor is.

So What Can You Actually Do About It?

This isn’t a post telling you to “just take a bath” or “make a color-coded calendar.”

This is about:

• Naming the load

• Making it visible

• Finding ways to share, offload, or soften it

That might mean:

• Asking your partner to fully own a recurring task (planning meals, not just cooking once)

• Letting go of “fun parent” pressure and simplifying connection

• Using tools that don’t require more from you

How Flowjo Can Help (Without More to Plan)

This is where The Mom’s Bucket List comes in. 

It’s not a productivity hack. It’s relief.

Every card is a low-effort, high-connection prompt designed for:

• Real life (read: messy, tired, no glitter in sight)

• Emotional closeness (not performance)

• Tiny memory-making moments without mental load

You can:

• Hand the deck to your kid

• Pick one card a week

• Keep it in the kitchen drawer for when you feel stuck

It’s not magic. But it’s one less thing you have to think about.

Closing Thought

You don’t need to do more. You need the invisible work to stop being yours alone.

Let’s make space for joy - and let someone else pack the snacks for once.

Tiffany daSilva

Tiffany DaSilva is the founder of flowjo.co and lover of all things self care, chihuahuas and cross stitch. You can read her posts about how she handles the day to day using mindfulness and self care here on Pitter Patter! Flowjo's lifestyle blog.